Leisure is a Calm Breath

Are you always busy, on-the-go, and under stress? Do you ever feel like you can't totally calm down and relax, even while on vacation? Do you have trouble staying in the moment and are you constantly planning the next thing or worrying about certain events in the future, past decisions? How do you tolerate unexpected changes to your plans? The inevitable hiccups and delays happen to us all. Do they make you feel exhausted, irritable, despondent, sad or angry? Know that this is normal and know that there are myriad ways to recover feelings of equanimity despite the external chaos.

We All get Spun up...

Don't I know it. We live in a world crammed with distraction, information and desire. Advertisements saturate us with feelings of inadequacy but hold out hope that the latest item will complete our image. News and noise are just a click away, and the ability to affect any of it is beyond our locus of control but we are certainly affected by opinions and reports of distant and disgusting events. Furthermore, our personal to-do lists are endless, especially as women and mothers. Clean, cook, dress well, stay fit, support loved ones, shuttle the kids to activities, work, succeed, stay informed, vote, plan ahead, help with homework, stay in touch with friends, smile.

It is easy to feel like we are always running and never going anywhere, busy to no end. We are here to preach and teach leisure, which is the opposite of striving. So let's examine how we got here and discuss how we can reacquire peace and presence of mind.

Every Living Person has Experienced Trauma

Not only is the external a whirlwind, most people have internal trauma patterns that pin our physiology in overdrive. Trauma is pain and/or emotion that gets stuck in the body. Trauma can arise from many things, illness, bodily injury, surgery, childhood adaptations, and all kinds of emotional pain. Especially emotional pain.

You can fall and break your arm while skateboarding and you will cry because of the pain but it can heal without leaving trauma in your body. Although, you will probably swear off skateboards as the tool of the devil. If your arm is broken in the same scenario but instead of asking if you are OK, the people around you laugh and ridicule you, as children sometimes do, the result could a deeper emotional scar that remains long after the bone is healed. Both scenarios involve physical pain but the second involves an emotional transgression. This can become trauma. Trauma can even manifest from two completely unrelated events that happen around the same time. For example, the birth of a child and the severing of a relationship with a toxic parent or sibling can create a trauma for the mother. Perhaps the trauma is 'only' the neglect of a parent who is too busy to attend your orchestra performance, school play, or PhD dissertation defense.

All these situations involve activate the fight, flight, or freeze response coupled with a negative emotion. When I recall my traumatic life experiences, all fit this pattern and that pattern gets stuck in the body as trauma. For simplicity, let's call any stress that is stuck in the body trauma.

Stuck in Overdrive

It can be difficult to return to a safe baseline, or even recall safety. If we have unresolved trauma, stuck fear and or pain in our nervous system, that becomes our new baseline. However, our body is not a particularly safe space in this condition. What does your spirit/mind do when bodily pain points are activated? Does it move away or towards it? When your body has an open loop on activation, it impacts our thinking, decision making, behaviour and all physiological processes because we are in a defensive mode. When the body is trying to protect itself, resources are diverted from creation into preservation.

This can lead to compulsive behavour; shopping, eating, and scrolling. This is an attempt by the autonomic nervous system to return the body to a safe state, by soothing itself with external stimuli, where the parasympathetic nervous system can initiate rest and recovery. In the worst of possible outcomes, addiction takes over and the balm becomes the poison if the underlying issue is never addressed. A chronically activated sympathetic nervous system due to underlying trauma compounded with the everyday stressors of our modern world, we are heading for burnout.

Calm Begins Inside

There are many ways to reset the body from the effects of everyday stress and trauma. The first step is always working directly with the physical and from there the inputs refine themselves into the more etheric. If I learned anything studying differential equations, it is this: All problem solutions one discovers can be combined to describe another solution to the problem. Thus, each solution stands on its own but it will also work in combination with others to produce the desired outcome; a peaceful nervous system. I did not invent these tools but I have experience working with them and they have greatly impacted my life and well-being.

Today, I will share the first exercise I discovered that began to soothe the chaos inside and reset my baseline. You can do it anywhere but I recommend you start sitting down. During a commute or at your desk is perfect. Ensuring your exhale longer than you inhale signals safety to your body because longer exhalations precede rest whereas longer inhalations and holding ones breath precede action.

1. Breathe in through your nose for a count of three

2. Hold for a count of one

   Focus inward and feel your heart beat in your chest.

3. Exhale through your mouth for a count of five

   Purse your lips as if you are blowing out a candle to help slow your exhale.

4. Pause for a beat

   Again, feel your heart beat in your chest.

5. Repeat at least three times and work up to one minute

This will lower your heart rate, induce a sense of calm, and increase self-awareness. Refer to this exercise whenever you feel activation in your system.

Stay leisurely and we will discuss another practice for inner calm next week.